Saturday, 27 July 2013

ZOBBIE Apocalypse

"I'M A FREE MAN!!!" was what I was shouting from the rooftops recently when I FINALLY finished high school. Nevertheless, as if the universe could not let me have one day off I started work the very next day. Now what really shocked my parents, and even myself, was that I actually like work (Like and work in the same sentence?!? Gasp!). I just love my job so much! It's not my dream job nor is it what I want to be doing five years from now, but it definitely is a good start. Unfortunately nothing is ever perfect, and I've come to learn that there will ALWAYS be a catch. So what's the catch you ask? I have to work in the very heart of the city. Just like most cities, there are LOTS of crazy people, and as an added bonus to living in the Caribbean, all those crazy persons are also constantly high. Oh joy.

So I thought I would share with you just a few of my many encounters with zobbies. By the way, for my non-Caribbean readers, a 'Zobbie' is what we call the insane and destitute. Hope you get my title now, 'Zombie Zobbie Apocalypse' genius title right? Yeah, I know.

So because of the amazing success of my last blog post (Caribbean Buses) I thought to myself, 'How else could I humiliate my country and make fun of the stupidity that happens there?' So here are two of my many encounters with zobbies!

1) The first experience I'll talk about was on my first day of work. I was waiting outside of the store for a coworker of mine when the creepy guy walks up to me and grabs me by the elbow (Who grabs someone from the elbow?!). I awkwardly stood there while he starred right into my  very soul. He then started to slowly rub my forearm as he whispered 'How old are you my boy?'... '17' I nervously replied back to him. 'Don't worry young man, when you're 29 you'll look beautiful' 
This was my exact facial expression at the time. I just didn't know how to respond to that! 'Thanks..? I think'. He then simply smiled at me, stroked my arm one last time, and left.

2) Now I'm starting to learn a pattern here as in my next experience I was idly standing by the road too.  While I was waiting for my ride I observed this zobbie lady cross the highway. It was pretty obvious that she was not tuned in with reality when she walked straight into the busy highway without even glancing left or right.

That day I witnessed someone almost die three times. On the first lane she almost got struck by a speeding car. On the second lane it was a truck, and on the third a bus had gotten so close to hitting her that it lifted up her dress (Ew). Finally she was safely on the other side. Remembering that you should never gives these people eye contact, I looked away. 

Unfortunately I just couldn't help it and I quickly looked back and our eyes locked. Immediately I turned my head away as I yelled under my breath 'Oh no she saw me, Oh no she saw me'.

At that I hear her screaming towards me from across the highway. I awkwardly looked left. Then looked right. The coast was clear. She was definitely yelling at me. She then proceeded to reach inside her torn up plastic bag and pull out a pair of glasses. Puzzled as to what she was doing I squinted my eyes and waited in anticipation. She pulled her arm all the way back while lifting her left leg in the air, and then she held that pose. 'Oh no please don't tell me you're going to send it'.

That she did, she hurled her glasses over the three lane highway at me with full force as she let out a beastly grunt. I watched it rocket toward me and then fall into the gutter a mere foot away form me. I must say, for an insane lady she has pretty darn good aim. At that, she simply just walked away.

Though I could go on (and on and on), I'll leave it here for now. I would however like to thank everyone for reading and sharing my blog, thanks to you The Displodo Blog passed 2,000 readers on my last post. It really does mean a lot to me and please continue the support. Here is a picture of a cute wittle kitten as a token of my appreciation.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed reading this article! Please share, like and tweet it, and tell as many people about it as you can and I'll love you forever! Sign up to get an email subscription as to when a new article comes out, which will be next week! Please comment down below any horrible experiences that you have had with zobbies!

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