Sunday, 3 November 2013

GRAVITY Review *SPOILER ALERT*

WARNING! WAARSCHUWING! AVERTISSEMENT! WARNUNG! ¡ADVERTENCIA! 警告
SPOILER ALERT!

If you have not yet seen the 2013 film Gravity then I highly advise that you stop reading this, go watch it, and then come back so we can discuss our view of the film.

Okay now that I've made that very clear...

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Man Handled

I just want to thank everyone for the amazing response from my last blog post (The Streets Are Not Safe) it's pretty obvious that you all love to hear about my bizarre experiences. I'm a magnet to them honestly. So I was racking my brain trying to think of an experience to blog about. Nothing was coming to mind though. Maybe it was because I had this, mistake, in my brain all day...

Friday, 18 October 2013

THE STREETS ARE NOT SAFE!!!!

Incase you were wondering, I have not died. I've actually been going into the outside world. I even made a new friend! She's a little bit spaced out sometimes, but I like her, she's... friendly. You may recognise her from her iconic interview (If, not click here to watch it). I see her like every day now and she always gives me a wave and that smile... that smile.


She would be shocked to know that there's an EVEN bigger problem with road safety now. 'What is it?!' You might exclaim (Or not, you probably don't even care). Well brace yourselves, for you will have to start walking in the middle of the street as I'll be on the side walks because...


I'M LEARNING HOW TO DRIVE!!!

Bam. I know. I'm amazing. However, I'll be taking a hiatus from driving due to me quitting my driving school today, all because of this...

So about a month ago, after a year of procrastinating, I was finally ready to learn how to drive! So after asking around for a good driving instructor, I decided to go with... well, we'll call him Matlo for the sake of discretion. Everyone described Matlo as this middle aged driving instructor with years of experience as a driving instructor. Plus he was the cheapest around. So I signed up with him and payed my $150 provisional license fee and started driving with him the next week. And just like everyone said, he seemed really nice and funny.

So on my first lesson he made me drive at 3 miles per flipping hour! Most painful thing ever. At least he said my steering was really good, though quite frankly, I would have to be blind and have no control over my limbs to not be able to drive in a huge circle with my foot literally not even on the gas.

On my next lesson I got up to 5 miles per hour (woopie). Things were going fine until he made me abruptly pull over by the side of the the abandoned construction site that we were driving on. 'This is pretty normal' I thought to myself, 'He probably wants me to learn how to pull over in a high pressure situation or something'. But no. He didn't want to teach me in a high pressure situation. In stead he got out of the vehicle and urinated right there by the car. I, could hear, everything. Then he casually walks to the back of the vehicle, gets something from the trunk, then sits back inside in the passengers seat and offers me some orange slices. Flipping ORANGE SLICES. FRESHLY FLIPPING CUT ORANGE SLICES. AFTER YOU JUST PEED AND DIDN'T WASH YOUR HANDS. But being the polite fool that I am, I accepted and ate them (totz deelish by the way!).

So yeah that happened.

I met him at our usual place for our next lesson, only this time when I got in the vehicle I realized that there was some random rough looking guy in the back seat. I didn't ask any questions and Matlo never introduced him, nor did he speak to him, acted like he wasn't even there actually. So Matlo drives us to the Ministry of Transportation to pick up my permit (provisional license). After spending twenty minutes in there (all the while this creepy man in the back seat and I are awkwardly sitting there in silence) he comes out, gets back in the vehicle says that it wasn't ready, and drives off.

As we're driving away though, the guy in the back seat starts yelling at him in creole (our local language for my international readers). So Matlo pulls the vehicle over, and they both get out and the man really starts yelling and cursing him in creole. All the while I'm in the BLAZING hot sun with no way to shade myself. Five, ten, TWENTY minutes pass and they're still arguing by the side of the road! Now unfortunately I don't really understand creole but from what I picked up is that Matlo was trying to calm him down, but the strange man wanted his $600 that Matlo owed him, basically.

So after what seemed like an eternity they both got back in the vehicle, Matlo looked over at me and simply said 'So you won't be able to drive today, I have an.... appointment that I have to get to' NO APOLOGY. After I spend half an hour in the sun listening to them argue so violently I swore it almost got physical. How unprofessional can you get. Utter ridiculous.

For my next lesson he put me straight on the main road. Did I mention, before I met Matlo I had zero driving experience what so ever? Well he obviously had faith in me. Either that or he was drunk. OH! By the way, did I mention that HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC?!?!?!!!

My driving instructor... is... an alcoholic. That irony is so sweet it gave me diabetes.

Although having no actual experience with cars, I have however played free roaming racing games like need for speed and burnout paradise. Unlike most (all) people, all I used to do was pretend I was an average person in the game, and I would pretend to be constantly driving to work or home. Always abiding by the speed limits and traffic lights. I know I was a weird kid. So driving on the main road was no problem. The problem was that I had no real prior experience and Matlo was constantly on his phone!!! For the entire hour of the lesson! So we would be approaching a major intersection and traffic is just whizzing at astronomical speeds, and I have no idea what to do and he's just on his phone. I being too polite don't interrupt his phone call. So I basically just prepared myself to drive into my death, then Matlo is frantically telling me what to do while still trying to talk to the person on the phone at the same time.

But the icing on the cake was this week. I haven't driven for the entire week because his vehicle 'was down'. Okay. That's no problem. So he says it'll be ready the next day. Then the next day. Then the next day. Strike one, he's mucking me around. Then the next day he says he has his vehicle so come at 3pm. Go there at 3pm and he's not there. Call him and he says 'Oh he doesn't actually have the vehicle but he's just going to get it now. Strike two, he's lying. But yesterday I found out the truth. His vehicle wasn't 'down', in all actuality it had been repossessed for not paying his loans and insurance. Strike three and he's out.

So I phoned him today and said that I can't do this anymore and asked for my ID and permit back, which I have yet to see because everyday he says 'oh I'm going to pick it up later'. What obviously has happened is that he's used the $150 that he has to pay the government for my permit and spent it on booze, which means that I would of learnt how to drive without ever having a permit. But I better get my ID and permit back cause I am not paying another $150 for a new permit when I go to my new driving school. 

He better come up with my ID and permit, and if not then all the money I spent on my medicals, and registrations, all $300. Nothing less. And if I hear another sad story from him then he better just Icona Pop his car into a bridge cause I DON'T CARE!

Well thank you for reading that super long blog post! Sorry I just had a lot to get off my chest. Please sharelike and tweet it, and tell as many people about it as you can and I'll love you forever! Sign up to get an email subscription as to when a new article comes out, which will be on Wednesday when I review the film, GRAVITYPlease comment down below any horrible experiences that you have had while learning how to drive!

Friday, 23 August 2013

The Royal Baby At Cricket!

Hello there! Long time no see! Sorry I haven't written a blog post in a while, I've actually had a life that I was busy  living, but now that summer is drawing to an end and so is my social life, I can start writing my blog again! :D

Summer 2K13 (As the 'kool' kids call it) is one summer that I'm not going to forget for a long time. Many things happened this summer, my two best friends Josh and Sophia came out from England to visit and we had a BLAST. I also met my long lost Trinidad twin Justin. Oh yeah, and I went to quite a... 'memorable' cricket match.

Saturday, 27 July 2013

ZOBBIE Apocalypse

"I'M A FREE MAN!!!" was what I was shouting from the rooftops recently when I FINALLY finished high school. Nevertheless, as if the universe could not let me have one day off I started work the very next day. Now what really shocked my parents, and even myself, was that I actually like work (Like and work in the same sentence?!? Gasp!). I just love my job so much! It's not my dream job nor is it what I want to be doing five years from now, but it definitely is a good start. Unfortunately nothing is ever perfect, and I've come to learn that there will ALWAYS be a catch. So what's the catch you ask? I have to work in the very heart of the city. Just like most cities, there are LOTS of crazy people, and as an added bonus to living in the Caribbean, all those crazy persons are also constantly high. Oh joy.

Monday, 10 June 2013

Caribbean Buses

So there's this priest and the Caribbean bus driver who both 'pass on' and go to heaven. They wait outside of the glorious gates until an angel finally apparates. He greets the two men, asks them their names and then verifies that they're on his list. The two men are confirmed and they are signaled to follow the angel. After getting into a golf cart the angel then drives them along streets of gold to their new abodes. As they drive the houses along the road get bigger and bigger, grander and grander. 

Friday, 24 May 2013

One Second

So I was watching one of Amazing Phil's videos called 'One Second' where he talks about life altering decisions that he has had to make in a split second, decisions that could of changed his life forever.

It made me remember one such 'split second' experience I once had...

I was at a very tender age of about 8 years old at the time, and my family had just been in England for my aunt's wedding and much to my dismay we actually had to leave. As I go back to St. Lucia, I was of course extremely upset, I have this vivid memory of me clutching into my grandparents couch on the eve of our departure and screaming "NO!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO ST. LUCIA!!!" as my parents tried to detach my body from the sofa.

Friday, 17 May 2013

Stabbed!

Have you ever been stabbed? Well neither have I, but I can imagine it isn't a very pleasant feeling. I have however been threatened to be stabbed, although it's not actually getting stabbed, it definitely isn't a pleasant feeling either.

 It had such a profound effect on me because I totally didn't see it coming. I couldn't have been more taken by surprise.

 You see, whether it is a good thing or not, I've lived a very sheltered life, never been exposed to violence, verbal or physical abuse, or any of those treacherous qualities. So when I got robbed it was a total shock. Let me set the scene...

Friday, 10 May 2013

Nasty Girls

Oh how I loathe nasty girls. I mean they're funny to watch. From a distance, but who wants to honestly interact with them? Now fortunately  I have been able to cleverly avoid them and keep this unwanted interaction to a minimum. But I just want to tell you about an experience I had with some nasty girls once.

So it was just my older brother, my friend Ethan and myself. Now this was Ethan's first time to the Caribbean, so naturally, I want to show him the best time ever, and as it was his first day in St. Lucia he was still very impressionable, and the impression he got of Caribbean females was 'less than appealing' to say the least...

Friday, 3 May 2013

How To Survive The Caribbean



Have you ever been to the Caribbean and got the life beaten out of you for insulting Bob Marley?

Or did you ever turn a fabulous hot pink colour because you forgot to wear sunscreen?

Were you harassed by a highly persistent street vendor that insisted on selling you a straw hat for $100US?

Well all of that could of, and can be avoided if you read my new blog on 'How To Survive The Caribbean'

Friday, 26 April 2013

Prologue to The Displodo Blog

     How has your day been so far? Awesome? Fun? Exciting? Or maybe boring and dull? Well you'd be glad to know that I have finally set up a blog! I hope that the content you find here will lighten up your day and make you want to visit our blog again! Though this blog is part of Displodo (my film production name), it will not be endless post about my films, but about any and everything you can think of, from my hobbies, day-to-day life, debates, opinions, reviews, etc, etc.

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