Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Man Handled

I just want to thank everyone for the amazing response from my last blog post (The Streets Are Not Safe) it's pretty obvious that you all love to hear about my bizarre experiences. I'm a magnet to them honestly. So I was racking my brain trying to think of an experience to blog about. Nothing was coming to mind though. Maybe it was because I had this, mistake, in my brain all day...

So I did what I always do when bad things happen to me. I took a walk down town, and just as predicted, I got a new blog post to write about.

I hear this rough voice barking 'AYE WHITE BOY! WHITE BOY!' from across the road. Now I'm very use to these racial comments and I did what I always do, and completely ignore them and keep walking. Easy right? No. This voice became louder and louder as the source came closer. I instantly became extremely nervous as usually they just stop when I ignore them but he was running towards me! 

The next thing I know this big crusty hand grips onto my arm and shoves me onto the side of a bus that he pinned me to. I turn my head around to look at him with the biggest look of terror on my face. If you have followed my blog from the beginning you would remember that I've been mugged before (click here to read about it if you haven't already), so I was already preparing to possibly be stabbed.

Then he get's all up in my face and says to me "Listen man, I'mma be real with you, I just came out of jail for killing a guy-"



Can we please just. No I can't. WHAT!? 


Okay let's resume. "But I've just... 'gotten out'... You see as this guy was bad talking my brother and I had to... shut him up..."

He gave me his entire story of his imprisonment and his crimes, all the while I literally had this exact facial expression the entire time (just less adorable and more fear).

I was furiously praying to thy glorious heavenly Father above for the gift of another day of life and no stab wounds. Hallelujah Amen. It was then that I heard those words that I have never been so happy to hear. "I need some money 'cause I'm really hun-"

"YES! OH GOD YES OF COURSE!" I probably exclaimed with a bit too much eagerness as I almost tore my pockets right off my chinos. I fiddled around and pulled out some coins. They were only one and two cent pieces though and I could feel his grip tighten (Yeah he hadn't let go of me that whole time), so I put my hand in my pockets again and I felt some paper. I pull it out and it's a FIFTY DOLLAR BILL. Sorry, I don't want to get stabbed, but I'm not that desperate. Stitches are only like 20 dollars and things are scruffy these days, at least I'd walk away with 30 dollars. 

I couldn't put it back in my pocket fast enough for him not to see it unfortunately. He shouted with the same joy as someone who just won the lottery and pulled me over to a near by vendor and quickly asked her to change it for him. Fortunately I was able to find a five dollar bill and quickly put it in his hand, and when he let go to check it I ran and RAN and just kept running. When I got to the back of the building I could hear him yelling "WHAT! ONLY FIVE DOLLARS?!" can you believe the nerve of that guy? Some beggars are getting so rude and ungrateful these days! Honestly.

So yeah that happened... 

I think I need to offer up a peace offering to the universe because it obviously doesn't like me. Either that or it has a wicked sense of humor that I just don't get.

Hope you enjoyed this blog post! If you did then please sharelike and tweet it, and tell as many people about it as you can and I'll love you forever! Sign up to get an email subscription as to when a new article comes out, which will be on Wednesday when I review the film GRAVITYComment down below any horrible experiences that you have had while in town!

1 comment:

  1. This wouldn't have happened to you if you would stop walking down the street looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Someone would say "Hey!" And you would turn like Winnie the Pooh with wide eyes saying "Who, me?" Walk like I do! -Like a tough dude!


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